Cracked sidewalks and secrets

Cracked sidewalks and secrets.

I care and I've kept yours.

You say you care

more than me, 

but you step on the cracks,

Waterfalls in my eyes.

Your love is circumstantial,

its cruel to lead me on.

Slippery slopes and endless circles

always end in pain.

Slipping and falling,

I don't need your help to push me farther down.

But you seem to think I do.

Soft, beautiful lies,

caramel sweet.

I see through your mask,

but you lie so convincingly

you believe your own lies.

It's done, it's over.

Your facade fades,

your mind and love and emotion 

change.

Your face drops. 

And like the crack of a whip

you start and won't finish 

until I lie down,

my bleeding heart on the floor.

Step on it.

Step on the cracks.

Step on my heart.
Go on,

reveal all my secrets,

you have proved you truly don't care.
Your true self.

But I will always care,

and keep you in my heart

and keep your secrets.

You are too important not to,

though I know I'm not to you.

It's over, 

you plundered and took

everything from me.

Take until you are satisfied.

I don't have the heart to stop you,

Nor the will.

My sad shoes turn away from you,
my eyes on the cracked sidewalks,
and I finally walk away;

your secrets burdening my pockets.

Meaning

You who is not heard

knows what it feels like,

the moment the time is right

you are at a loss,

of what to say,

your neat columns crumble

and disappear.

Impossible to convey.

You of all people should know 

that feelings, 

lose there meaning, 

when spoken.

Liar

When you say 'I love you' 

I cringe.

Because my hardened heart 

wants to soften.

But I know what will happen if I do,

If I let you in,

Just like all the other times.

You will hurt me

and I will harden again.

Each time a little more of me

chips away.

Forgive and forget,

you say.

You hypocrite.

My heart shrivels in fear

at your love.

Whatever it is that you named

'Love'.

'I love you'

I want to believe

'I love you'

But I know the truth

'I love you'

But what if I'm wrong, like you say?

'I love you'

Please don't

'I love you' 

I won't fall for it again

'I love you' 

I can't fall for it again

'I love you'

You say...

I want to believe so bad,

one more chance won't hurt...

But it does and always will.

But a part of me will always yearn

with a sickening desire

for you to love me once more,

I used to love a liar.

Identity

Be like others,

but be like yourself.

There's just so much pressure 

to be someone else.

Be your own individual,

But be like your brother.

Be your own person,

But be like your mother.

You radical,

You leader,

You visionist, 

You traitor,

Be You but be Him,

Be You but be Myself.

Be You but be Her,

Be You but for heavens sakes don't be Yourself.

Cat Scratches

I cannot escape,

these feelings never leave.

Words pull from my mind slowly

and smiles strain against me.

Pretending hurts even more than 

the truth.

Everything is tinged 

a sickly sweet gray.

Even the brightest and happiest moments

eventually give way to the cracked and bleeding surface,

hidden underneath.

Always hidden underneath. 

I cannot escape.

I cannot handle it.

Cat scratches 

Ode to a teenager

Ode to the teenager,

who grew up too fast.

Whose eyes know too much,

whose face is a mask.

Whose life is a rock face,

beaten by waves.

Who stumbled, and crumbled

but stood still the same.

Who once remembered that one good thing,

when they didn't know;

to guard against the three bad

that surely would follow.

The one who once believed 

in a higher creation,

before the servants of him

proved a hypocrite nation.

To the hardened, yet soft;

the loving, yet scared;

who wonders if something happened

would anyone care?

Who wonders now,

 even more still,

do they care even now?

even though I'm not ill?

Who see through their mask?

Who notices their pain?

They look past the "Healthy"

only notice the slain

So they give what they didn't receive 

because they know the feeling.

Ode to a teenager,

a child without healing.